This morning I listened to a webinar hosted by Amy McCready at Positive Parenting Solutions. She is one of my main inspirations throughout my Gentle Parenting journey.
And I came away with some fabulous stuff!
NEWFLASH: Our kids are designed to NEED attention and power. And don’t we parents know all about how they work at obtaining them! They whine, they nag, they ignore us, they slam doors, they yell and throw tantrums…..well shoot, they act alot like us!
Power is so powerful. The power of independence. The power of free will. The power of controlling your own life.
Something very POWERful Amy said was that even infants need this power. If you ever try to hold an infant down or restrain them, they WILL FIGHT! We are born with the NEED to be our own power source.
And did you realize that every single request and every single reminder you give your child is an opportunity for a power struggle? This is what Amy said, and it was like the heavens opened and I finally understood!
Think about it. Here are 3 common scenarios:
- “Hurry up! you are going to be late!”
- “You still have not finished your homework?”
- “You are not going to have a sleepover this weekend with this mess in your room!”
If instead of requesting (nagging is what our kids hear) and reminding (again…nagging) which opens up the door for power struggles, try communication with a smile. Even if you have to fake it! Smile. And be positive, encouraging and empowering!
Remember TONE OF VOICE makes all the difference, so don’t forget your smile in your voice! Now take those 3 scenarios and think of the difference we could make, if we communicated this way instead:
- “You should start finishing up. It will be time to leave in 5 minutes.”
- “You must be loaded down with homework tonight! Is there anything I can do to help you?”
- “I noticed your room is a mess. I would like for you to have it clean before your sleepover this weekend.”
Another wonderful point she made is that all misbehavior is communication! We parents have the power to escalate the misbehavior by creating power struggles with our nagging and bossy tone of voice. More importantly, we parents have the power to change the misbehavior into a learning lesson by using encouraging and empowering speech with a smile in our voice.
Kids, just like adults, continue to do what works best and fasted for them. SO if throwing tantrums and slamming doors worked in the past, then that behavior will be repeated today.
But we can break the cycle. We can work on ourselves as parents and as people, and teach our children how to act THROUGH OUR ACTIONS!!
We are their teachers in the school of life. And they learn by our actions. So fake it until you make it! SMILE 🙂
Webinar link: http://www.instantpresenter.com/ppswebinar/EA52D787804E
Amy McCready @ Positive Parenting Solutions: http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/blog